[Kip]

Sorry. You will have to do with my old war wound.

Kip

[Gary Firth (Gazza) Posts: 3117 Status: Offline hovernerd WWW]

Is there any puss.
Or oozing of any kid. Any chance of a pic.

[Kip]

I could do with a new chainsaw.
Kip

[Ian Brooks Posts: 3552 Status: Offline]

I could send you a good sharp axe and a bit of 2x3. That'll fix it 😀

(Seriously though I hope it gets better soon)

Ian

[Kip]

Left knee is buggered.
Suspected Bakers Cyst. When sitting left knee is 40mm longer and more like a balloon ready to go BANG
Hurts a bit and fed up cos I can't hop far.
I am expecting genuine, warm sincere sympathy from my caring colleagues.

Please send open cheques and letters of condolence and I am sure I will feel a lot better even if my leg drops off.

Thanking you in advance.

KipPs Nick, not raining here but it might as well may be.

[Nick Flint Posts: 4866 Status: Offline]

Man drops car keys, and can't see them.
Crosses the road to look under a street lamp.
Why aren't you looking for them where you dropped them?
Because theres more light over here--------


PS it IS raining out there-----

[tomtilley Posts: 568 Status: Offline]

     Kip
                              Uncoil it but  not in the loo.     

[Kip]

Stop this at once  Or I WILL START.
Be warned , I have my Loo Log of a thousand jokes.

Kurmdegely Kip   

[tomtilley Posts: 568 Status: Offline]

     
                        And a large Jewelry Box.           


                                                                                 Tom.

[Nick Flint Posts: 4866 Status: Offline]

Hanging in the wardrobe?

[Gaz Posts: 2348 Status: Offline Cruising around Cornwall WWW]

Now look what you have started! My go;


Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: £5.00 (expensive beer )
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs £5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at £450. In one year, it would be approximately £5,400. correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend £5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at £108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?

[Nick Flint Posts: 4866 Status: Offline]

Thank you Tom, another classic approach. Goes down well with the cornflakes!
A bit like the boyfriend signing his name in the snow with URINE, ---but it was in his girlfriends writing-----


Yes Eric, it was told to a friend of mine --in Church!
I expressed surprise. and he said "humour doesn't stop inside you know------"

[Eric Yeoman Posts: 724 Status: Offline]

[quote author=Nick Flint link=topic=1588.msg48135#msg48135 date=1454536133
"WHOS BoB-----?    
 
Told the wife this one & got the "Oh, for goodness..." & the  .. An hour later heard her on the phone to our daughter cacking herself over it...

[tomtilley Posts: 568 Status: Offline]

                                             Daughter to Father:
                                       "Dad there is something my
                                         boyfriend said to me, that I
                                         didn't understand. He said
                                          that I 'have a beautiful
                                          chassis, lovely airbags and
                                         and a fantastic bumper.

                                        Father's response:
                                          "Tell your boyfriend that if he
                                          opens your bonnet and tries
                                           to check your oil with his
                                          dipstick, I will tighten his nuts
                                          so hard that his headlights
                                          will pop out and he will start
                                            leaking from his exhaust
                                              pip."

                                                                                              Tom. 

[Jimmy Cooper Posts: 285 Status: Offline]

That took a second...............................then LOV V V L